Wise Mind

One of the core mindfulness skills in DBT is learning to be in a state called Wise Mind. Wise Mind is finding the middle of rational and emotional. This could be a tough concept to grasp, so it’s helpful to use TV characters as an example.

One of my favorite examples of rational mind is Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. Sheldon often tells it exactly as it is, with little regard to emotions, politeness, or consideration of what he is saying. This often causes the people around him to become annoyed or angry.

There are many more examples of emotional mind, but my favorite is the bird Sonny from the Cocoa Puffs commercials. This bird is completely stuck in emotional mind. It doesn’t matter the time of day, the situation, or who is around, this bird is cuckoo for cocoa puffs and wants them now! When someone is strictly in emotional mind, they might cry, yell, and get caught up in the moment. Decisions might be made too quickly and things might be said in haste.

There is a time for being emotional and there is a time for being rational. For example, when we are celebrating an accomplishment, it is okay to be a bit more in emotional mind. When we are at work or taking a test, rational mind is probably going to be the best frame of mind. For most other times though, finding the middle ground of both will be most effective.

To try and get into wise mind, observe what you are feeling, identify the feeling, and take a step back and try and think about what the facts of the situation are without using judgmental words such as “should, must, always, etc.” Notice the judgmental tone in the emotional mind example below.

Emotional Mind: Once again, my boyfriend doesn’t feel like talking to me after work.
Wise Mind: I feel sad and disappointed because my boyfriend did not call me after work.

I promise, this get’s easier! Which mind do you
tend to be in most?

The Power of Validation

In the first post we discussed dialectics, and trying to find the bit of truth in things we don’t necessarily agree with.  When we do this to others, we are doing something called “validating” them and their experience.

Validating does not mean to agree with or condone something. It means simply acknowledging a feeling, experience, or point of view. It is also important to validate ourselves.

Validating yourself is as easy as being in the here-and-now and identifying how you are feeling without using judgmental terms like “bad, stupid, ALL the time, fail, etc.” We could take this a step further by making note of small progresses, or stating how we will improve the situation in the future.

Below are some examples:

Invalidating statement: I always mess up on these papers, I am a failure.
Validating statement 1: I feel sad that there is a mistake on the paper.
Validating statement 2: I feel sad and disappointed that there was a mistake on the paper, mistakes happen and I am going to try and proofread a little longer next time.

For today, try and observe your feelings and make a validating statement about them. As time goes on, this task will get easier! I hope you have a great day!

Welcome to the Awesome World of DBT

Hello everyone! 

Thanks for checking out my blog. This blog will cover many aspects of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I am a National Certified Counselor working towards licensure in New York. DBT is my go to theory and a theory I truly believe could benefit most people, regardless of their issues. My hope is that whoever reads this blog picks up a skill or two to practice and try and utilize in their lives. 

One of the most commonly asked questions by clients and clinicians alike when they are learning about Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is, “what exactly does dialectical mean?” Well, the answer is pretty interesting, especially for those of us who tend to be more black-and-white in our thinking. 

Dialectical is holding two beliefs that are opposite, but true at the same time. Now, I know what you are probably thinking, “what, that can’t happen!” Well, it can! Think about it this way, have you ever felt lonely, but at the same time wanted to be alone? Or, have you ever felt sad about something, but also a bit relieved at the same time? If so, you already have a heads up on understanding dialectics! 

The same goes for communicating with others. It is possible for two people to have equally valid, but different beliefs at the same time. For today, I would like you to pay attention to this when talking with others. Instead of getting stuck in having the only right opinion or point of view, look for that shred of truth your friend, family member, or colleague might have and go with it. You will find that this makes communication much less challenging. 
      
I hope you have an awesomely dialectical and mindful day!